I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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