I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
