someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
