I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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