Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
