smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
