yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
