Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
