So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
