i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
