Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize