I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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