...so i touched it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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