i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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