i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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