What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
