while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I use my feet as sexual weapons
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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