Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i've created a new STD.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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