sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
