It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
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Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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