Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
