She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
