Who did Billy Mays play for?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
