someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize