I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
