I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
