No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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