guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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