she was so not down for the gang bang
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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