I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
