why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need to calm my uterus...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
