Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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