all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
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its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess