Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Everyone says I win the strip club
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.