Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.