Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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