I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...