and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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