so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
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u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
how drunk are you?
Several
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