So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
