I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
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I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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