How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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