Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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