im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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