I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
