im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
