i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
