I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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