I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
