At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
