Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
