She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
