Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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