I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
BRING THE BAGELS
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
