Pappa wants mamma naked
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
