We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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