May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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