So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
